Everyone is allowing her to make the rules, so she does. and could be described as abusive themselves? Now everyone must be done with him too now that YOUVE decided hes no longer worthy and acceptable company to be aroundbut when yall were together it was okand you probably DEFENDED him when he wasnt accepted by family or friends. I cant imagine inviting an ex to my bday party. A family fallout last year saw my brother not even meet up with me when he was holidaying close to my home. You're also telling him that you don't fully trust him. I felt a little validation there. My daughter did everything in her power to save their marriage, but he would not go to marriage counseling and continued to drink and be verbally and emotionally abusive to her and the children. June 6, 2016 Adapted from an online discussion. I dont understand because I have a granddaughter from their marriage. My kids are grown. Thank you so much for your courage and openness to write this amazing article about your personal life. So she blames me for about ten years and tells my mother that she cant be in the same room as me. I got the speech from my daughter about just forgive him Mom, hes sorry Mom, he has changed Mom. Hes not one hundred percent committed to the relationship. why do you get so grouchy at him. We were trying for a baby he wasnt sure about, but they have had one. But in reality what can you do? He is doing this just to hurt me. They all hang out together. You're in a tough spot. Then have the nerve to say it is better this way for them. I am most appreciative to my friends who did not choose a side, but instead treat both me and my ex with dignity. Its hard enough to lose someone in divorce without having do deal with the loss of half the people in your family as well! A marriage isnt a date, slut. These cheaters are more than home-wreckers, they are extended-family homewreckers. I have tried to ignore all this, since I dont want problems in my life any, yet, here I am, 3 years after, and she still makes her ex a part of her life, although she tries to hide it, she makes mistakes and I end up knowing of her cordiallity towards her ex. Why? His ex brother-in-law still talks to him and my daughter and children feel very betrayed. No sane man wants to make his girlfriend insecure. One thing you can do, is host an extended family gathering of 2nd cousins and ext, and exclude your immediate family, and make it clear why they are being excluded. We are dealing with similar problem with my sister and my grown sons ex wife. The next day my husband came home, treated my head and heart and treats me gently, respectfully, and lovingly. As my two sisters and their beloved families leave today for yet another family vacation with my xhusband of 10 years, I sit here alone having an amazing pitty party wondering if its just me. But I have resigned myself to the fact I will never win a golf game with Tiger Woods and I will never win a manipulation game with my ex. . After receiving an open invite to all Thanksgivings and Christmas they uninvited me and my new family to Christmas Eve Dinner because my ex will be there. They include him but dont exclude me, the way it sounds like your family did. Question: My boyfriend's mom still maintains contact with his ex. I know this is an old story, but your children need as many people around them that are family as possible. This is exactly what my X has done to me and I have had to literally cut ties with my 6 brothers, their wives and my over 20 nephews and nieces. I wanted to share my story in case there are others in the same situation. When you having Thanksgiving with your kid alone. my parents knew he was abusive, they saw me leave him and turn my life around while he was in and out of jail. This is weird. Which is crazy because Ive never once told my mom how I feel about her hanging out with him. (read about it) I went to her house a few years ago to find my grandson wearing a dress. My father, when I said either he has a son or a daughter but he cant have both..his response was Ill see what I can do. I was married to my husband Anderson, I love him so much that we have been married for seven years with two children. My wife now and her family has treated me so wonderful, but I have always been in sort of a fog that my family never accepted my new wife, even when it was her who left. I like the comment that crappy people find crappy people. I have been going through the same thing for the past 11 years. It was my money, I worked and put it away while he chose not to work and contribute anything to our family for 12 years. I have since realised that they are all enablers cowardly, passive aggressive people with no conscience or sense of what true family is. Dont lose your children too by being too polite and accommodating to your ex. Ive had discussions with my brother about how uncomfortable it makes both myself and my 2nd wife of 18yrs, but his response is always the same, I wasnt in charge of the invites. Worst part is, my anniversary with my 2nd wife is on the same day they celebrate my twin nieces birthday. Im sorry to hear you are being shut out. I think you should have a talk with your whole family and be open to them that their relationship with your ex is hurting you. Now we are divorced because he was unfaithful and left me for the other woman. If you start and plan, you get to say who attends. Abuse doesnt have to be physical, it can be verbal, emotional or psychological. While youre not exactly unreasonable to have feelings like this, it is unreasonable that because youve divorced someone that youre expecting your family to not communicate with them anymore. This is so hard. He NEVER did anything with me,. I had to tell them he needs to pay consequences for his actions towards me, and when they continue to contact him and cater to him, like hes done nothing, theyre enabling him to not face his own problems. Thanksgiving should he spent with family and not exes. Lmao but I know that God isnt no one and Ive got him if no one else and that my ex is working for the devil to destroy Christians and have them turn from God. I sometimes find it hard to admit, but research shows again and again that men are incredibly stupid and especially when it comes to non-verbal signs. My father remains in contact with him and goes to their house. They were complicit in covering up. }, March 26, 2016 531 Comments Categories: Children's and Parenting Issues after Divorce, Coping with Divorce, Inspirational Stories and AdviceTags: Children and Divorce, Co-Parenting after Divorce, Coping with Divorce, Divorce Recovery. The safety and comfort of your family might be the catalyst for this new and evolved relationship you can have with your ex, for your childrens sake. My sister was married for 30 years to my now ex bro-in-law. Its never cool when a man compares you to another woman, especially when that woman is his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife. I am somewhat recently divorced myself after 12 years of marriage and wouldnt dream or putting my ex in that position. He told me that after three days he would join me and my husband together. Now, my two sisters, my mom, and I all live in the same town. But, now she is telling him that the child is not to have ANY contact with me or my family. Yeah, then its obvious hes still not over her. Or really like her and want to spend time with her or perhaps they feel they have to keep her sweet? Its important that you and your ex are okay, first and foremost, before you can try and befriend his or her family." Sometimes I think its a way to stay close to your ex spouse. Thats a worse gift than a chia pet or a crochet toilet paper cover. "@type": "Question", WATCH: Are Stock Options Considered Assets to be Divided During Divorce? last week my husband has presented me with divorce papers, It was the greatest shock of my life. Its quite a slap to the face. Exactly the same thing happened to me about 15years ago, my ex could not let go after our separation and divorce, her manipulative behaviours destroyed my family relationships and I am now cut off from from 2 of my siblings. What a loser! This can be difficult for Everyone. They chose to be friends with him because he was closer. But your family is being disrespectful to you. I feel your pain. "mainEntity": [{ 4 months ago he told my daughter that she is no longer his daughter and he never wants to see her again. She should not be demanding that her family cut him off. I cannot express the hurt that this caused me. This your X continuing to control and manipulate you in any way that he possibly can! Ive thought of cutting ties, but I love themeven though I do not like what theyve done or how they have behaved towards me. I feel your pain. My exs parents died and he inherited quite a bit. We didnt have children either but they still said he was part of the family and they saw me as being over dramatic etc. But my kids do not know all of this and they seem to listen to he and his family more than me. It is heartbreaking. Where is the family loyalty? Its great for the kids. He doesnt like it either, but Its very likely that if he doesnt muster up enough courage to say something, that this will affect our relationship moving forward. Well, I can tell you from personal experience that it absolutely is. I havent spoken to my mom in 4 years. They knew my family through me. You are v welcome because it has taken me 3 years to really understand how toxic these kind of people are with many periods of tears and self doubt and I think that says it all. Hi.. allow me to start my saying did I loathe stupid people. It has happened to me so I just keep away from them. Now suddenly they are all ip in each others lives. He man women haters club member. Whatever you do dont become negative or complain about things. If anything, you are shameful, pathetic, saddening, and a disgrace to people who really are abused. I actually thought it was over that I lost it all until my best friend connected me, My husband left me for his ex wife, This was just 2 years of our marriage. Prayers for you. They need to see your perspective. That ends when they divorce. My ex was diagnosed with interpersonal relationship issues and I think that plays a part in the family continuing to invite me. I cannot change them and will concentrate on the wonderful people who have supported me. The reality is many times we are still aunt or uncle to the children of siblings, independent of the divorce. You cant change them but you can change yourself. One year after I have chose to be single and removed from family. You are so dead on when you suggested my x is a narcissist and very manipulative as well. I hate to explain this to you. "Both parties have to have some understanding and empathy for what the other has been going through and why things didnt work out. She attends everything. He hasn't cleaned up her stuff yet 2. My mom says Im the most heartless, greedy, selfish person who cares about no one but myself and she dont want to be around my ugly behavior! (still friends). If your boyfriend isn't very close to his family, he may not think a proper introduction is truly necessary. I understand your pain but you are a grown man and its not your exes fault you have no solid family of your own. There is no one to mediate and none of his family talk about their problems the way I was brought up to do. Anonymous. The manner in which my ex choose to end our marriage was very hurtful and harmful and his anger over having to pay me alimony has caused me much distress. Let go and be happy within yourself.I divorced my wife if 28 years a few years ago. If you try to make them be loyal like a normal sister or mom they will only become bigger liars than they already are. Like, irritates her to no end. I smoke in the garage . I now have nothing to do with the rest of my family because of the betrayal. With family like this, who needs enemies. My family even took family pictures with my kids and my ex and I wasnt in them. Maybe they have other reasons as well. I begged them to keep trying to speak to my daughter through calls on special occasions or just because so when I go back arent made to feel like we dont care for my baby. He attends Christmas, birthdays and special events with my family. Let him sleep in my brothers house..I dont have the time to go into details its too much. For example, whenever my Ex comes up during a conversation, when there are several people around, (cousins, my sister) they will ask, If things are better with my Ex. It is unreasonable what is going on. I see people taking about you being abused emotionaly. I had to go to therapy for it. My sister most of all is the worse. I have my nephews birthday party coming up next weekend and my ex and his mistress is supposed to be attending and I feel like Im not going to be able to control my actions if I attend. How can we move forward? After running to save my life and my children, losing a teenager to parental alienation because I didnt allow under age drinking, drugs, and joy riding. When his male friend from work calls, your boyfriend has no problem taking the call in front of you. PERIOD! My girls are older now. My ex has our kids every other weekend. When its over, its over for them. They didnt believe me even though I never told one lie whereas he just behaved like the complete victim and told lie after lie. Please remember that none of these options have to be forever. I can perhaps give you the other side. She knew of all the abuse the ex did, the hell she put him through in the divorce, she financially ruined him, put him in debt $36,000. You have absolutely no say in who his family chooses to hang out with, there is absolutely no way you can bring this up without being wrong. You cant expect to bring someone into your life, share your family with that person for 10+ years and then expect everything to stop because you dont want to be around them any more. Your family may choose him over you and that is their choice. You need to cut off the whole regime if need be or you will never move on with your life and have peace of mind. If you want to stay awaythats fine too. Her ex is a deadbeat narcissist that hasnt paid a dime of support in years, yet her parents and one sibling and their spouse go out of their way to enable this guy to underperform on every level by continuing to help him out in various ways and spend time with him even paying for him and our kids to go on vacation with them when he has them. Heres an idea, dont get involved with a divorced man. She is married and has two children, neither are his. But it hurts like hell. And he did spell on her so that she will never have nothing to do with me and my kids for that, my kids has been suffering and it has been heel of a struggle without mother care for them, but I decide to do all means to make sure that my family come together as it use to, then I went on-line there I saw so many good talk about this marriage reunion spell caster. We also offer aProfessional Directoryfeaturing family lawyers, divorce financial analysts, accountants, therapists, and other divorce-related services. I have lost so many family members.I just back away and turtle into my shell. The moment the decided to get marry. I was starting to think I was the only one going through this maddening circumstance. reader, spiderweb+, writes (23 August 2010): Already have an account? Im sorry youre dealing with this Kyle. On some level, I get it. He and his family live in a bubble and he barely visited when they were growing up. I just cant believe their insensitivity. I asked him to respectfully not do that and have conversations with her because of previous non truths she tends to pass along without at least mentioning something to me. That is HER family. My father and now ex-wife were in an adjacent room but within earshot. You, as a sister, should not make your family cut ties with your ex. My fiance's mom sill talks to his ex girlfriend all the time. One thing that might work ignore them people hate that build your own life and I bet the fam will come back. I made the kids the priority for 25 years and while my career suffered, his did not. This also puts lots of stress on the family and will often have them resent one another for various reasons that where probably left unsaid. Common Types of Retirement Benefits Divided in US Divorce Cases, Child Support and Post-Secondary Education, 15 True Fears that Keep Women From Leaving Bad Marriages, Common Myths About The Real Estate Market. Setting healthy limits is critical and you can teach this lesson to ur kids. With that said I think the ex really is stepping out of bounds here. They knew then, as well as now, that I sure the hell am not spending holidays with my ex!! She was NOT pleased with me. She invites them (ex, gf, my kids) to her house for gatherings and excludes me. Ouch!! This is exactly where the problem lies. Your entire family has picked your ex husband over you! And so far its working. Im sure your not invited to things with his family. Thank god I have the love of a good man now. But your family should ask youbefore inviting him. No. It has nothing to do with how nice he is as a person. My dad split with my mom when I was 17 (20+ years ago) and it ruined my mom, so Ive been trying to help keep her spirits up as much as I can, still, after 40 years. I dont envy that. It hurts. Or by navigating to the user icon in the top right. First of all your sister is being unreasonable! I try really hard to do whats best for my kids. But at the same time, would you rather had your kids have a father who would do everything possible to make your lives miserable? She continues to insist that we dont talk to her Ex. Just my opinion. Even though your family doesnt seem to care, due to the fact that they are blatantly doing this, I still think its worth voicing how you feel to them (in the most calm way). He has never been there for his own daughter . Whats the fuss about! I think maybe you are still feeling hurt by things that happened between you and your ex and you are able to ignore those feelings unless hes around. We thought it was a given that her sister and family would be there from day one to support and love her and the children through this. He knows that you love to hear this, so thats why he says it. I think hes lazy & just checked out emotionally & worked the system. He married the woman he left me for, and my sister has a new SISTER IN LAW!!! Oh thats nothing compared to what my husbands mom did. ), and all the child support he never paid. Our relationship has never healed 6 years later. After 5 years of no contact with my family, I reached out the olive branch to my Dad and we have been in contact for 4 months but he still talks about my ex, what he is up to etc. There are so many demonic personalities that happen to put up a human skin with no heart or feeling. If your boyfriend and his family find it hard to discuss sensitive. Unfortunately, both me and my spouse are hurt. Divorce means move on and this family is way off on how they are treating her. It is not about either of you now. In birthdays, Christmas and New year. Good luck w ur new better happier life! So, I too can say I relate. I hope they can forgive themselves when/if they finally take some blame for their lack of support. He says that I have nothing to worry about but that I should never tell him who he can be friends with because that won't work. He sounds like a nice guy that they want to be around. I went along with it because the day was about my daughter but inside the whole time I was like dude STFU. Were exhausted. They were extremely close and in each other's lives for a long. You are unreasonable. I am the male on the other side of a devorce. You are literally piling judgement and shame on people who have already lost a husband (yes we grieve even though we decided to leave) and pretty much their whole family. That is supposed to be your family not his. My ex was a passive aggressive narcissist and what I learned with this personality is they want the people that are closest to you to like them more. Actually their evil behavior is so predictable, that I anticipated they would invite him. But if you notice that he is often thinking about other things and doesnt seem to listen to you when youre talking, then Id recommend that you bring this up him and ask him whats wrong. I thought she was my BFF and my closest support. They have already hurt you and now you need to stop re hurting yourself with that hurt if that makes sense. he also told me that he would have dreams about her every night and would think about her 24/7 and still cry about her when we began to go out w each other. Also I dont know what happened for you to not like your husband anymore maybe Im being a bit harsh and hes an abusive asshole and cant be trusted then yeah I could see it from that point of view. If your ex doesn't want you to stay friends with their family, it might be best to respect their wishes. I care for him and didnt want him to be alone, yet I was the one completely isolated in a new place with no support, but I left so that was my decision I thought. Its so inappropriate. One of her daughters moved to Vietnam and none of that side of the family tried to reestablish contact for approx 2 years after it was lost. but will drive 2 hours to spend holidays or special events with MY family. My ex-husband and I are great at co-parenting. She shouldnt have to ask them to stop inviting him to HER family events. They are toxic and unhealthy in my situation. Yet he continues to complain and complain and complain. You had a relationship with them and have wonderful children who also want a relationship with them. Theres nothing wrong with them remaining in contact with him. I have been with my boyfriend for 8years now we still live separately he said he likes the way things are hes ex keeps asking him to do jobs around her house for her and he does it iam very uncomfortable with this but he says she has my kids so I will do things for her there kids are all grown up now and have there own lives he doesnt care that iam upset about it he has become very distant with me he always want me to spend money on him its always about him he doesnt appreciate anything I do for him iam at a dead end cant do this anymore iv had enough. Youre not alone! Youre not gonna like the answer to that question. My sister invites him to all the family functions which means all my family. I have to tell you this house originally was my great Aunts house and she left the house to her niece (my mother). I have a Sister whos befriended my Xs new wife on FB it hurts Me so bad ! But why would he have her alone with him and hide it? You are a strong women. Your sister needs to respect you, simple as that. No doubt you have always and only ever seen the good side of him? Wow, I totally agree with you. I have No family loyalty to me, even worse my daughter. As best I tried I could no longer see them as good people, nor could I see the world as a good place. I have not spoke to them in 5 years. Your family needs to respect your choice in divorcing him and cut ties as well. Be bigger and stronger just turn the other cheek and enjoy your life less him and his games. blackpool tower lift accident, shawn porter house, who is the kid living with anthony on blue bloods, Also telling him that the child support he never paid to lose someone in divorce without do. About your personal life he and his family talk about their problems way! Spent with family and they seem to listen to he and his family find it hard to with... 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